October 24th, 2009 Sorry no new comics lately. I've been in Jersey for the past couple weeks. After Fantasy Fest, I'll get back to cranking out some fresh strippage for you.
|
September 14th, 2009 Last night we saw the last of the Hill Family*. King of the Hill has been airing for 13 years. I've heard people say that KotH is not as funny as The Simpsons, South Park, or Family Guy. Phooey, I say! Fortunately, many of us are capable of a broader spectrum of humor. I can enjoy classic Bill Cosby or Jerry Lewis, as well as today's Patton Oswalt or Louis CK. Just as I find both South Park and King of the Hill to be great in their own respective genres of animated comedy. I'll get a new comic posted soon. I've been kind of busy. *hope not for good! |
August 28th, 2009 KFC is now offering a sandwich which consists of bacon, two kinds of cheeses and sauce between two pieces of fried chicken. Yes, you read this correctly, fried chicken as a bun instead of bread.
The "sandwich" is being test-marketed in only two areas so far, Rhode Island and Nebraska. Lucky bastards. Lucky, lucky doomed bastards... But, the thing is, I thought my uncle had the market cornered on unhealthy food. He runs a little joint out in Bunkerville, Nevada. I'm starting to suspect that KFC is stealing his theme.... Check it out here: Mind you, Uncle Owen's a little off. |
August 13th, 2009 Okay, folks... there's still a few things I want to do with this site. Aside from the great lack of online gambling and hardcore porn, I suppose I'm mostly satisfied. Still needs some tweaking. Bit by bit, as I am not great at webmastering. I can barely work a Thighmaster. In other 'toon news, it seems that the Futurama hold-out is over. Most of the voice talents wanted to negotiate for more money, as well as they should have. Comedy Central ordered a new season of Futurama but wanted to get it cheap. I guess they finally caved and are using some of that "Mind of Mencia" money to pay those hungry character voices. Bender's back, baby! Aside from that, I hope you enjoy the latest comic I posted above, (notice you can navigate through them now). I'd like to think of this strip not so much as "anti-P.E.T.A." as it is "pro-zombie". Enjoy. |
August 4th, 2009 Not to be a perfectionist or anything, but I've got a few things I'd like to change about my website. I'd like visitors to be able to advance through various strips in the area above. Many other webcomic sites can do it, I've just got to figure out how. I just haven't had much time. Soon, kids. Soon.... |
July 20th, 2009 I've just returned from picking up my Fantasy Fest poster entry from their office. I was informed a few weeks ago that I did not win, but today the fella told me that it was in the top 5 for consideration, so I suppose that's something. I wanted to win this year's because it was a cool theme: "Villains, Vixens & Vampires". Well, there's always next year. But, the theme will probably suck, like "Linoleum, Fruit Flies, and Assorted Cheeses". I'll post a picture after I finish up the painting. |
July 9th, 2009 Key West's own Schooner Wharf has released my design for their "Battle of the Bars" poster, so I'll now share it with you good folks. I like it. It's more colorful and fun than the Olympic-themed one I did last year.
|
July 7th, 2009 At least, good news to me. I've just cut down on my tooning time considerably by loading my lettering into a font-designing program called, "FontStudio". This way, I can crank out strips and pages more efficiently by using the computer to type my own handwritten characters. I'm not underselling it when I say, it's flippin' awesome!
No more hand cramps from writing dialogue. And the more I get done, the closer I get to finishing this X-mas book project I've been working on. Who knows? Could be ready in time....
|
July 13th, 2009 I just added one of those "Digg" thingies over in the upper-left hand corner there. If you have the time, just click it to show you've enjoyed this site. It's a lot easier than stopping by my house at 3 a.m. and drunkenly slurring your appreciation. Maybe not as fun, though..... |
July 9th, 2009 Key West's own Schooner Wharf has released my design for their "Battle of the Bars" poster, so I'll now share it with you good folks. I like it. It's more colorful and fun than the Olympic-themed one I did last year.
|
July 7th, 2009 At least, good news to me. I've just cut down on my tooning time considerably by loading my lettering into a font-designing program called, "FontStudio". This way, I can crank out strips and pages more efficiently by using the computer to type my own handwritten characters. I'm not underselling it when I say, it's flippin' awesome!
No more hand cramps from writing dialogue. And the more I get done, the closer I get to finishing this X-mas book project I've been working on. Who knows? Could be ready in time....
|
June 21st, 2009 I just finished my "Battle of the Bars" poster for Schooner Wharf. *whew!* I'll post the design as soon as they start using it in their promotional print ads & commercials. Next on the agenda, the aforemetioned project that I've been waiting a few years to bring to fruition. I was going to do it last year, but the move from Big Pine to Key West kinda threw a monkey wrench in the plan. The only detail I'll divulge for now is that it will be a Christmas-themed graphic novel set in the Florida Keys, but rated PG-13 for adult themes and humor. I've already got most of the story fleshed out and have proceeded with preliminary sketches and pencilling the first page. Hope it moves along smoothly. |
June 3rd, 2009 I tried my best to get my painting done for the 2009 Fantasy Fest poster contest, but to no avail. Too many external factors left me with a nearly-completed entry. I even stayed up for 30 hours straight to get it done by the deadline, but I haven't painted with acrylics on canvas in 15 years. Progress was like treading water in syrup. Exhausted, I turned in my incomplete design with the hope that maybe they'll get the idea of where I was going with it and choose it anyway. Doubtful. Eh.... what can ya do? So, I'm keeping myself busy with a project that I've been noodling with for the past couple of years; a Florida Keys-themed illustrated graphic novel. I've got most of it plotted out. I just have to have the dedication to see it through to the end. I should have some free time during these lazy summer days. Stay Tooned. I should be updating this site a bit more often now. |
May 24th, 2009 Hey, folks. Sorry I haven't updated this site in awhile. I'm in the midst of two projects. My, now-annual, gig doing the Schooner Wharf's "Battle of the Bars" poster design, and my entry into the Fantasy Fest poster contest. Big to-do this year as it is the 30th anniversary of the Fest. The theme is really cool this year, (to me). It's "Villains, Vixens, & Vampires". That sort of stuff is right in my wheelhouse as a comic book guy. So why haven't I started on this earlier? I dunno. What I do know is I only have one week to get this job done. I'm usually at my best when I'm under the gun, so wish me luck!
|
May 13th, 2009 You might recall the very first comic I had in the Key West Citizen last month regarding the Monique Acevedo case. For some reason, it went over like gangbusters and I couldn't have been more jazzed about it. Well, I've got another one in the Citizen today. This one concerns the hate-monger Fred Phelps coming down here next week to preach his crusty, intolerant blatherings that will fall on totally deaf ears. If you don't know the name, I'm sure you may remember his crew from the Westboro Baptisit Church. He's the head, "God Hates Fags" guy– A title equal or lower to "King of the Turds". You may have seen his protests of the military funerals on the news where he claims God is killing American soldiers because of gay people and that the soldiers deserve it. Sick, sick stuff. On a cooler note, to coincide with Phelps' stay in Key West, there will be a fundraiser to offset his infestation. When Phelps' group comes to Key West to protest Key West High School they will actually be raising money for the school’s Gay Straight Alliance group. For every minute the “God Hates Fags” clan is protesting, they will be collecting donations for the Alliance. Check it out at www.phelps-a-thon.com Is it so wrong to hate hate? And does that make me a hate-hatemonger? I don't know. What I do know is that dude's a few McNuggets short of a 9-piece combo. We're One Human Family down here, Freddy. Deal with it.
|
May 7th, 2009 I'm tired of the World Health Organization trying to call this recent malady by the catchy H1N1 Influenza-A moniker because of pressure from the pig people, (pork companies, not actual pig-people. Although I think real pig-people could get away with pretty much anything). So what if the pork companies don't want stupid people to be confused and steer away from dining on swine? Stupid people eat too much bacon anyway. Maybe if we can get a simultaneous wave of swine flu, bird flu, and mad cow disease, fish and veggies might get a resurgence of popularity. Tuna salad will be all the rage. Stocks will plummet for Wendy's, KFC, and... ummmm..... hmm.... is there a pork fast-food place? My idea for a chain of "Bucket O'Pork" restaurants just may come to fruition! (I'll wait out this swine flu thing, of course). Anyway, for now, here's a quick little something I did:
|
May 4th, 2009 So, pardners, I have taken the time to add some more content to this here website. Consider it my present to you. And, if you're thinking of a present for me,– 21-year old scotch never hurts. In the Misc. category, I've recently added Sweet Insanity; an old college strip I co-created way back in the day. And Max's Place, a little bar comic. In the Bio category, I've dug up some old glories, and added articles from when I designed the flag for Woodbridge Township at 14, and a Home News Tribune article on me from my senior year. I think I may have peaked during my teen years. I've also included a comments link on many of the pages just in case you've got something to say. So, enjoy.... considering I slaved over a hot computer for you. |
May 1st, 2009 As this is a 'toon-related site, I figured I'd just let you know a smidge of info that's got me jazzed as a rhesus monkey that just had a Dr. Pepper enema– (wait... what?!) Robert Zemeckis was interviewed by MTV Movies Blog recently and this is what he had to say: "I'll tell you what is buzzing around in my head now that we have the ability-the digital tools, performance capture-I'm starting to think about Roger Rabbit" How cool is that? I hope it's a sequel and not a re-boot. And, if it is a sequel, just think of all the recent 'toons they could incorporate. Simpsons, King of the Hill, South Park, Family Guy, Beavis & Butthead, Ren & Stimpy, Aqua Teen Hunger Force– the list goes on.... I'm sort of curious if Disney would lend their characters to a film that might now use toons that are not, family-friendly. Would they say, "You can't use Donald Duck if you're going to have Family Guy in your movie".? Lawyers may have to gather in a room to hammer out a clause where Quagmire is not to dry-hump the Little Mermaid. I can see that scenario. (Hmmm...is it considered dry-humping if she's a mermaid?) And The big Z is right. With all of the technological advances in the past 20 years, imagine what kind of film they could put together! Zemeckis was always on the special effects cutting edge from Roger Rabbit to Back to the Future 2 which spawned some of the groundbreaking FX methods for that time. If he puts his mind to it, it'd be like Jessica Rabbit's giving us a lap-dance in the theater. ("Take THAT, 3-D!") Damn it, I hope this happens. I was a big Roger Rabbit fan back in the day. I had buttons, T-shirts, and all sorts of merchandise for rabid fans. Believe it or not, I got kind of sick of it for a while, and I'll explain why.... The year was 1988. I was a Junior in high school. Bobby McFerrin was doling out some therapeutic advice in the diddy, "Don't Worry, Be Happy". A less maniacal Tom Cruise was juggling libations in "Cocktail". And a fuzzy alien from Melmac was taking the world by storm. I went to go see RR at Movie City 5 in Woodbridge, N.J.– unaware that I would be employed there in the following month. Back then, everyone went to the movies. The market wasn't saturated with home video players. Most VHS flicks were still pretty pricey, so business was booming at the theater. Being such a busy joint, we had many employees working throughout the day. Specifically, one usher was assigned to lurk in the back of each theater to help people find seats and be watchful of rapscallionism. Essentially, this meant that the usher had to stay put through the entire show. One day, as I was still a fresh and bright-eyed recruit, my manager asked, "So, how do you like your job so far?" I chipperly replied, "Oh, it's great! And it was cool that you assigned me to the theater with 'Roger Rabbit'. I swear, I could see that movie a hundred times!" "You can't like it that much." "No, seriously. I could watch it over and over!" Thus, began the longest Roger Rabbit marathon ever. I was assigned to that damn film every stinkin' day. Sometimes 3-4 times a day, show after show. I slowly went mad that summer. It was like one of those scenarios where your dad catches you smoking and says, "If you like cigarettes so much, you should smoke this whole carton!" I knew if I had just said I was talking out of my ass and couldn't watch Roger Rabbit 100 times, my manager would have switched me to another film. But, that would be admitting defeat. And I was a young, brash bastard full of piss and vinegar. (By the way.... piss and vinegar? Arguably the worst Ben & Jerry's flavor.) So, I was saddled much of the summer with this bedazzling animated film that I had once loved so much, then come to despise. (Probably what it's like to be married to Amy Winehouse.) All the while I was hoping it would lose popularity and go away, (also like Amy Winehouse). I believe my train of thought sort of derailed a while ago in the humble town of "Who the #$%@ Cares-ville", so lets get back to the original subject stated simply... Roger Rabbit sequel. Forget past. Me now want. Me like. Yay film! Jessica Rabbit.... AH-OOOOO-GAH!!!! *bulgy eye-effects*
|
April 29, 2009 Hey, lookee! I gussied up the main page with some links, a Twitter boxie thingie, and my most recent cartoon. I'll try to keep updating the comic whenever I can, but there are no guarantees. If I get caught up in a video poker game, a "Sanford & Son" marathon, or "all-you-can-eat hot wings night" at the local tavern, then it will just have to wait. Things are getting mighty slow in Key West lately. It may just free up some time to work on a project that's been rattling around in my head. I wanted to wait until I finished up this website to go ahead with it. I'll fill you in on the details when I'm part way through the project. |
April 21, 2009 Welcome, welcome to my new website! If you like cartoons and you like languidly browsing through web pages to find them, you've come to the right place. If you've drunkenly stumbled across this page in search of adult-themed fare involving oil-wrestling, transgendered, nude dwarves–I have some bad news for you, Boozy. Within this cyberspace-age world of pixels, megabytes, broadband hoobajoo and what I can only assume is the sort of Elfin Magic that's usually reserved to make moderately-priced cookies, you'll find my comics. Comics I took the time to draw, ink, and letter onto a piece of paper only to have it displayed here on the intangible world of the internet. What times we live in, eh? If cartoonist, Bud Fisher were alive today, he'd probably say, "You could read my comics at home on an electronical screen? How'z about that !" He'd probably also say, "Why aren't you reading my comics on that screen? Mutt & Jeff aren't contemporary enough for ya? I may be 124 years old, but I will still whup your South Park- lovin' ass !" Anyhoozle... so here we are. I've put this website together myself. I'm sure once I learn more about this crazy, new-fangled technology, I'll be able to display things better. I'll get some fancy links. Maybe some snazzy ads for male enhancement. If my web-browsing has taught me anything, it's that people love male enhancement ads. That, and videos of shapely, college-age girls who enjoy "going wild". I hope you enjoy this site. I'll be adding more content soon, so check back often. I mean... what else are ya gonna do? Scope out the webpages of girls going wild? What do those sites have that we don't have? Nevermind... forget I said it. Boobies trump cartoons. I am well aware of that. (I actually have a good story about being bumped off a college newspaper for using the word "boobies" in a comic. But, I'll save that tale for another time). So, take a look around. Hope you like what you see. If you don't, well.... refrain from saying anything about it. Cartoonists are a very fragile lot and our egos bruise easily... ...except for Robert Ripley. I hear he once subdued a grizzly bear with nothing but brute force and a Speedball ink pen. Believe it or not ! *end transmission* |
KeyToons website powered by Dan Schwab |